A few days ago, you got a peek at one of Jamie Kelly’s brand-new diary entries from Dear Dumb Diary #9: That’s What Friends Aren’t For. We’ve managed to get our hands on another one, all about blondwad Angeline — check it out below! But Jamie Kelly has no idea that you or anybody is reading her diaries. So please, please, please don’t tell her.
Dear Dumb Diary,
And speaking of shooting somebody out of a cannon, I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this girl to you before, Diary — her name is Angeline?
First, before we discuss Angeline, let’s take a moment to discuss AUTOMATIC FRIENDSHIPS. Automatic Friendships occur like this: Let’s say you and a person from your school who you only kind of know both show up at the same beach one day and there’s nobody else to hang around with. BAM — you’re automatic friends. Maybe only for a day, but still. It’s just the Way the Universe Does Things.
Or let’s say you go to prison. You committed some cool crime like stealing the weapon of somebody who was going to blast an endangered baby orphan koala in the face. Still, the judge says that stealing is stealing, and he sends you to prison for it. And in prison, you meet somebody who is in for the same kind of crime, but for her it was like an endangered baby orphan panda or just an endangered baby orphan. BAZOOM — now you two are automatic friends.
Ever since Angeline’s Uncle Dan (my school’s assistant principal) married my Aunt Carol, AND Angeline’s dog married my dog and they had puppies together, I’m automatically friends with Angeline. No beach, no orphan koalas, just KABLAM — automatic friends.
You’ll notice that it’s not because I like her. It’s just how things work. It’s like math: Poor little Two got plussed with Three.